10 things that parents should never say to their children

Things to never tell your children. (Getty Images)

Through my work, I’ve had the privilege of speaking to and working with thousands of students, young adults and parents.

Two things have become painfully obvious to me.

First, it’s extraordinarily difficult to be a world-class parent.

Second, a significant proportion of students and young adults’ frustrations are caused by their parents.

I’m not a parent myself, but I’ve observed what many parents say to their children, which can negatively impact them—sometimes for life.

From a child and a student’s perspective, here are 10 things that parents should never say:

1. “You’re useless” or “You’re a failure”

It’s shocking how many parents say this to their children in a fit of anger.

This is the type of phrase that can scar children deeply, and can make them doubt their worth as a human being.

2. “I know what’s best for you”

As a parent, you might feel like you really do know what’s best for your children, but using this phrase is not at all effective in convincing them that you're right.

Instead, parents should do all they can to empower their children to take full responsibility for their choices and their life.

3. “Because I said so!”

This is another phrase that’s unlikely to be persuasive.

Parents need to establish boundaries for their children, but “Because I said so” isn’t enough reason for children to be convinced that staying within those boundaries is a good idea.

4. “I told you so”

It’s tempting for parents to say this when it turns out that their advice that their children had ignored was, in fact, correct.

If you’re a parent, I urge you to refrain from using this phrase. Saying “I told you so” is sure to annoy your children and to cause strain in the relationship.

5. “So clever!”

Here are some instances where parents might exclaim “So clever!”:

• A two-year-old keeps his or her toys after playing with them
• A three-year-old says “Thank you” after receiving a present
• A 12-year-old decides to learn about Einstein’s theory of relativity

Parents (and all of us, in general) have subconsciously come to associate responsibility, politeness and curiosity with “cleverness”.

When they do this, however, they begin to unintentionally tell their children that intelligence is all-important, when in fact most of us would agree that integrity and morals are even more important.

Parents should emphasize character and values, while not neglecting the worth of hard work and a love for learning.

When parents praise their child, they should be specific, rather than just saying "So clever!"

For example, they could say "That was kind of you to help that lady carry her groceries" or "That was generous of you to share your toys with your friend".

6. “Why can’t you be more like…”

It’s natural for parents to draw comparisons to other children, but doing so can cause psychological damage to their own children.

Parents ought to focus on what makes their children unique, and encourage them to be the best version of themselves that they can be, instead of merely trying to be better than others.

7. “I wish you weren’t my son/daughter”

Some parents say this when they’re feeling especially frustrated or upset with their children.

I’ve spoken to students whose parents had said this to them more than 10 years earlier, but they still harboured immense bitterness and resentment toward their parents for making such a hurtful statement.

8. “You’re such a terrible boy/girl!”

Children have a strange way of becoming the kind of person that their parents, as well as those closest to them, imagine them to be.

When a child misbehaves, parents could say something like this instead: “This is so unlike you. You’re usually such a considerate and responsible boy. You’ll still be punished for misbehaving, but this is really not like you at all to do something so naughty.”

9. “You always…” or “You never…”

When trying to correct their child’s behaviour, it’s much more effective for parents to point out specific instances or examples, rather than tell their child that “You always forget to do your chores” or “You never keep your promises”.

10.“Don’t argue with me”

When parents say this during a disagreement, they cause their child to feel even angrier and less willing to obey or compromise.

Parents should reason with their child and explain their perspective calmly. It’s crucial that parents don’t lose their cool!

In closing…

As a parent, you have the ability to powerfully influence your children’s future and destiny.

What a noble yet daunting responsibility!

To all of you parents reading this article: I know you’re up to the challenge.

Daniel Wong is the bestselling author of "The Happy Student: 5 Steps to Academic Fulfillment and Success". He offers The Exam Excellence (TEE) Mentoring Programme to help students to find exam success, while discovering new purpose in their journey of education. He writes regularly at www.daniel-wong.com. Download his FREE e-book, "The Unhappiness Manifesto: Do You Make These 150 Mistakes In The Pursuit Of Happiness?", here. Download his other FREE e-book, "Singapore Scholarship Guide: The $500,000 Decision", here.

Ref:  http://sg.news.yahoo.com/blogs/singaporescene/10-things-parents-never-children-033158555.html

Walnuts shown to boost sperm quality

For those who wishes to become a father yet don't know why it just didn't work out?  Check out this article.

For men hoping to become fathers, a new study suggests adding walnuts to your diet. According to research published Wednesday, eating a large handful of walnuts every day could boost the quality of your sperm.

UCLA Fielding School of Public Health in California enrolled 117 healthy men between the ages of 21 and 35 into the study, taking sperm samples both at the beginning and end of the study. Half of the men were assigned to eat 2.5 ounces (a little more than half a cup) of walnuts a day, along with their usual diet. At the end of the 12-week study, the walnut eaters showed improved sperm quality, while there was no change in the control group. Plus men in the walnut-eating group whose sperm were the worst swimmers at the beginning of the study saw the biggest improvement in their sperm quality at the end of the experiment.

The study, funded partially by the California Walnut Commission, was published online in the journal Biology of Reproduction.

This study is part of a growing body of evidence that men's dietary and lifestyle choices can affect fertility. According to researcher Dr. Wendie Robbins, walnuts are the only nuts with appreciable levels of omega-3 fatty acids, which have been linked to better sperm quality in prior research.

Additional studies have shown that fish oil supplements high in omega-3 fats have boosted fertility in men with poor sperm counts.

Ref:  http://sg.news.yahoo.com/walnuts-shown-boost-sperm-quality-091107085.html

Spiritual development

21 Jul 2012. Saturday. Sunny

A few months ago around April, I started to have scripture reading in the car with Clayton while we make our way to school @ 6:30 in the morning. Thanks to the church scripture App that does the reading by itself. We would do 1 chapter of the Book of Mormon every day. After the reading, we would discuss about what was read. It became a daily routine that Clayton looks forward to it. This is our prelude to early morning seminary.

After the scripture reading & discussion, he would say a prayer asking for protection for the day.

This is a good practice for his personal spiritual development. I get spiritually uplifted daily when I do that with him.

Sent from my iPhone

Preventing childhood obesity: Tips for parents

Beating obesity can be fun


It’s the epidemic that appears to have Britain in its grip – obesity.

From horrifying stats that suggest half of us will be clinically obese within 20 years, to research that shows one third of all UK children are already overweight or obese by the time they leave primary school, every week seems to throw up another scare story about our national weight problem.

[Healthy: Kids prefer stickers to crisps]

And the stark facts don’t lie: the number of overweight or obese children is increasing year-on-year in Britain. There are currently one million obese children under the age of 16.

“Puppy fat”, you say? But the truth is as many as 70 per cent of those kids will grow up to become obese adults.

If we continue as we are, 90 per cent of today’s children could be overweight or obese by 2050.
As leading UK obesity prevention organisation MEND points out, the consequences for our health – and our children’s – will be grave: “Children and adults who are above a healthy weight are much more likely to develop chronic diseases.”

These include heart and blood disease, some cancers, osteoarthritis, fatty liver, Type 2 diabetes, infertility, asthma and high blood pressure – which can lead to stroke.

Meanwhile, experts suggest that overweight children will tend to have poorer body image, leaving them susceptible to eating disorders in later life.

The reason for the increase in obesity is complex, but societal changes in the way we eat, what we eat and how active we are conspire to produce the problem. It doesn’t help that there is confusing information out there about what foods are healthy and what aren’t – such as so-called “low fat” products, which can be high in sugar.

So how can you act now to prevent obesity in your children before it happens? For Childhood Obesity Week (July 2-8) we bring you our top ten tips to keeping your kids on the straight and narrow:

Meal Times

The modern trend for snacking on the go has partly contributed to our inability to fathom when we are genuinely hungry – and adds to the calories we intake every day. Keep regular, proper mealtimes for the family – including breakfast. Even better, aim to eat seated around a table. It is good to avoid distractions during a meal, so that food is eaten consciously. As the Department of Health’s Change4Life programme notes: “Growing bodies respond better to routine.”

[Help: How to talk to your child about being overweight]

Swap the snacks

Swap sugary snacks and drinks to ones that are lower in sugar. It is best to keep sugary foods to mealtimes (e.g breakfast cereals) than to eat them as snacks. So switch sugar soft drinks for water, skimmed milk or well-diluted pure fruit juice, swap sugary snacks such as cakes and biscuits for fresh fruit, a chunk of cheese or bread-based options such as a scone or currant bun. Buy reduced sugar jams and choose canned fruit in juice rather than syrup.

Check the labels

Check the labels of seemingly healthy ‘low fat’ options for the sugar content. Look for the ‘carbohydrates (of which sugars) figure - ‘high’ sugars is more than 15g of total sugars per 100g; ‘low’ is 5g of total sugars per 100g. Added sugars will be high up in the ingredients list, too. Other terms include sucrose, glucose, fructose, maltose, corn syrup and honey.

Serve up ‘me-size’ meals

Resist the urge to dole out extra portions on your kids’ plates – or to insist they finish everything in front of them. It’s vital to make sure children get the right amount for their age. Respect your child’s appetite – their bodies know how much they need.

Follow the ‘five a day’ rule

You’ve heard it a million times before, but do try to dole out five portions of fruit and veg a day – it’s easier than you might think. Some NHS tips include adding fruit, such a banana, strawberries or sultanas, to a child’s breakfast cereal; giving dried fruit as a snack; popping extra vegetables in a pasta sauce or casserole for dinner.

Get them moving

Exercise is vital at all ages: the NHS points out, for instance, that children under the age of five who can walk unaided should be physically active for at least three hours a day, whether indoors or out. And those aged five to 18 should do at least one hour of aerobic activity every day – a mix of moderate activities such as walking to school, rollerblading, skateboarding or playing in the playground and more intensive exercise such as running, playing chase, vigorous dancing, football or riding a bike fast or on hills.

[Useful: What to do when your child wants to quit sport]

Cut back fat

As well as sugar, cutting back on fat is a key tool in the battle against obesity. The easiest and surest method is to limit junk food, and too many fatty treats such as cakes, crisps and chocolate. Children – especially the under-twos – do need a certain amount of healthy fat in their diet so when they are very young make sure they have full fat milk and dairy products. You can switch to lower fat varieties over the age of two. But watch out for the “bad” fats – saturated fat – in foods such as processed meats (burgers, sausages), pastry, coconut and palm oil. See Change4Life for more ideas on where to cut down on fatty foods.

Don’t use sweet treats as a reward

Try not to get into the habit, from the outset of weaning, of ‘rewarding’ good eating with a sweet treat at the end. Limit desserts to special occasions. A yoghurt or piece of fruit is fine if your child is still peckish after their meal.

Limit the telly

It’s a cliché but too much time spent stuck in front of the TV or computer games eats into the time spent engaged in active exercise. Place strict controls on your child’s TV and computer viewing habits to ensure they are encouraged into active play as much as possible – even if it’s just skipping in the garden or racing up and down the stairs.

Bring the whole family on board

The only sure way to ensure healthy eating and healthy habits is to set an example as a whole family – so don’t tuck into sweet treats and junk food while your child sits down to a plate of fish pie and spinach; make sure the whole family gets involved in activities at the weekends such as walking, swimming and outdoor games, and try to get everyone to respect mealtimes and sit around the table to enjoy them.

Ref: http://sg.news.yahoo.com/preventing-childhood-obesity-tips-parents-100000428.html

7 Affordable Ways To Buy Happiness

I found this article very helpful especially for Dads who had to stay at home to take care of the children.  It has some great ideas on how we can spend quality time with our family on a budget and achieve great happiness.  Dads!  Your kids will remember you dearly and love you lots!

Happiness means different things to different people, but most of us try to fill our lives with this quality as much as possible. Of course, retailers and marketers the world over have used this basic tendency to unmercifully manipulate consumers with a promise of happiness that will come with the purchase of their products. However, everyone knows that while goods and services can certainly improve the quality of our lives, they can't really provide lasting happiness. Here are some ways that you can make yourself happier that don't cost a whole lot of money.

Board Games and Puzzles
In a world of electronic gaming, it's still fun to pull out an old board game and play it with family or friends. Monopoly, checkers, chess, Risk, Twister, Operation, Trivial Pursuit, Life and Battleship are always good for a few hours of fun once in a while. Working on a jigsaw puzzle with your family can provide a welcome break from the daily stress many people experience in life.

Exercise
Although this may sound trite, numerous studies have shown that people who exercise regularly are generally happier and more relaxed than those who don't. You don't have to pay for a gym membership in order to walk, run, jog or do push ups and sit ups. Even doing heavy household chores such as digging post holes for a fence or repairing the roof can be a good way to get a little exercise.

Gardening
Although you may need to part with a few cents in order to buy seeds, planting a garden can be a very satisfying endeavor. It also doesn't have to cost a lot because chances are you already have a lot of the tools you need in your shed or garage. Working with the soil can help you to reconnect with nature and decompress from a hard day at work. Of course, if you are able to reap a material harvest from your garden you will also be happy about the free, healthy produce that resulted from your efforts.

Finish Those Projects
It can be depressing at times when we think of all of those little things around the house or yard that we'd like to do that we just don't seem to be able to get around to. You can take some time to map out your family tree, create a scrapbook or frame some family photos. Even mundane tasks like organizing your basement or attic can help you feel like you have your life slightly more in order.

Start a Journal or Diary
Writing down your feelings and events can help you to organize your thinking and make connections about how events in your life affect how you feel and think. It can also allow you to unload unresolved stress and other issues onto paper and perhaps leave it there, if only for a while.

Adopt a Pet
Animal shelters are full of creatures that need a loving home. Of course, having a pet will entail some expenses. Vet bills, pet food, pet toys and other accessories do cost money, but studies have shown that people with pets often live longer and have a greater overall levels of happiness.

Read a Book
Pay a visit to your library and take advantage of the world of literature that it has available to you. Try wading into the works of Shakespeare or Milton if you're up for a challenge, but anything that gets you away from a digital electronic screen for a while can be constructive. Even the smallest library has a wide variety of books to choose from, so you should have no trouble finding something that interests you.

The Bottom LineThere are many fun activities you can partake in that are either completely free or extremely affordable. Many of these things, like adopting a pet, have been proven to increase happiness thanks to research. Some of these activities involve you taking a break by yourself, while others are a great way to spend some time with your family. As the saying goes, "the best things in life are free."

Ref:  http://sg.finance.yahoo.com/news/7-affordable-ways-buy-happiness-193331378.html

How to be a good parent: top 10 tips

One of the nicest things about being a parent is that regardless of the circumstances of your own childhood, the moment you go from being ‘a girl or guy’ to being a parent, you suddenly ‘get it.’ That amazing feeling of exactly what it’s like to love something more than anything.   
Here are Gurgles top ten tips on how to be a good parent…

1. Be involved in your child's life.

Being involved fully in your child’s life can be hard work, and more often than not means rethinking and rearranging your priorities. Lots of parents feel they don’t spend enough time with their children or that they have to sacrifice what they do for what the child wants. It’s important to get the balance right; if you work all week and can’t imagine a weekend looking after the children and need some ‘downtime’ yourself, make sure you make time for both. Take the children to the park, ice creams, read to them , spending quality time together but say ‘mummy/daddy needs an hour to catch up on emails/football etc’ to get the balance right.

2. Establish and set rules.

Make sure you and your partner stick to the same rules. It’s no good if Daddy comes home and lets the children have chocolate buttons after Mum has said they are only allowed a certain amount of chocolate if they are good! Establishing some ‘family rules’ with your children is a great way to communicate your expectations and be consistent in your parenting. Make sure there are no more than 3-5 house rules as too many can seem like lists and lists of rules which children would soon find tedious.

3. Avoid harsh discipline.

Many people use the same tactics their own parents used, and a lot of times that meant using really harsh discipline which can make children angrier and either more enclosed or more likely to take it out on others. Sometimes being a parent can make you very frustrated, especially when you have a whinging whining child (for no reason) and the child will not reason with you. The best thing to do in this circumstance is try not to make an issue out of the whinging by not getting cross. Laughing during a tense moment can ease the pressure off you and may even make the child stop the tantrum when they realise it really doesn’t work. Take a moment to stop, breathe, count to ten and carry on as normal with what you are doing. Your child will hopefully get the point that you are not interested in the tantrum and you can make light of it.

4. Explain your rules and decisions.

Always explain your rules and decisions so that your children know exactly why you are punishing/praising them and they can learn from this. For example, ‘Lucy, I am not going to give you your pudding until you finish your broccoli because you have to eat up your dinner before you can go on and have a desert’, rather than a simple no.

5. Treat your child with respect

Sometimes it’s difficult to understand the sheer dependency and enormity of raising children and parents do often view them as small beings who really should be grateful, have less tantrums, stop whinging, and stop arguing with their siblings etc. These are all ideal types of behaviour which we would love children to understand, but in truth, the ungratefulness, tantrums, whinging and so on, can be down to parents barking orders all day long, ignoring common courtesies toward the child, and in defiance, children ignore the parents altogether. The best approach would be to treat your child as respectfully as you yourself would like to be treated.

6.Help them feel safe

It is very important for children to feel safe and this can start at home by hanging family portraits around the house, or pictures of them with their siblings in their bedrooms -a great way of giving them a sense of belonging.

Try not to argue with your spouse in front of the children. If they are sleeping, argue quietly. Children may feel insecure and fearful when they hear parents bickering. Also, children will learn to argue with each other the same way as they hear their parents argue with each other. The best way to deal with this is to show them that when people disagree, they can discuss their differences peacefully.

7. Do Something Familiar.

Children love routine and ritual, and if there is a special thing you and your children love doing, make time to make it part of your day/week. A particular story you always read before bedtime or something you always say to them before they go to bed. Children love the repetition of something lovely and will remember these little loving moments as they get older.

8. Read together

No matter whether you have a tiny baby or a wriggly toddler, they all love to be read to. You may need to adapt what you read slightly, more colourful bold books for babies, and simple, funny or sweet stories for toddlers. A 4-5 year old will be able to handle slightly more complex story and interesting illustrations. Reading with your child creates a perfect bonding time together.

9. Find out one important thing about your child’s day.

Although this really applies to slightly older children, finding something important about what they did at nursery or the childminders or even if they had a day out with daddy, is very important. It shows that you are interested in what they do and involved in their world. As they get older this can work as they may tell you the good things but also comfortable enough to tell you their worries and fears.

10. Don’t worry about the previous nine items.

Just when you think you’re doing ok as a parent, then along comes an article like this one to make you feel like you are not doing the job right!? Of course, that’s not the point. All the goals we’ve listed are worth aiming for, but no one will ever accomplish all of them, every day. So don’t beat yourself up trying to do the impossible. If expectations seem to high, be realistic about it and try not to judge yourself against other parents… remember they are probably feeling like you do as well.

A good way to look at how to become a good parent, is to try and enjoy the time you have with your little ones. Take a step back, take a breath, look at these little people you have created and spend time with them. It’s these moments with your children that make them feel loved. Leave the washing for another few minutes, have that chat with a friend on the phone a bit later and take those extra moments to spend with your children.

Ref:  http://sg.news.yahoo.com/good-parent-10-tips-230000803.html

Scripture reading

23 Apr 2012, clear day

After listening to Benson's lesson yesterday, I was inspired to have morning scripture with Clayton in the morning. That's what we did this morning. We read Mosiah 1:1-4 in the car after we have arrived at the school.

I felt good that we have done something spiritual at the start of the day.

In addition, Clayton said his own prayer without me reminding him. That was a good thing.

Term 2 AMODES

29 Mar 2012. Sunny then rain

Yesterday was a crazy day. Clayton had his 1st AMODES, which is an Alternative Mode of Accessment in place of the usual test & exams. It was Chinese subject. I was quite confident that he would do well in it because he has tuition @ Tien Hsia. However, I was still worried due to the fact that this was his first attempt. We worked hard together in revising all his work to get ready.

Before he left for school, I gave him a blessing to seek special guidance from heaven to assist him.

The desks in the classroom were arranged into single seater. It looked really serious.

When he came home from school, he seemed confident. So, I'm not too worried.

The afternoon became all crazy because he had a load of homework for English and up coming Practice AMODES show & tell for English today. Spelling on Friday & Tien Hsia's work as well. Clayton broke into tears a few times due to all the work he had to do.

After I was confident that he had done all he can to prepare for his show & tell, I let him play to his heart content.

In school today, Shoei was there early doing rehearsal with Darion and some other kids. Can see that the parents are really concern with their children's performance.

Elaine had reading program at the school today.

After school, Clayton told me that he was given full marks because he was loud & clear with his Show & Tell and he has new vocabularies in the script.

He is doing well for the moment. Soon his classmates will catch up. This I kept reminding him that his friends will catch up to him if he doesn't keep on working hard.

Food Network Asia Recipes

A good site to find recipes for a quick simple meal.  This is very important when you have a few little choosey eaters at home.

 

www.foodnetworkasia.com/recipes.html

New School Term - T2 2012

It was the 1st day of 2nd term.  Honeymoon is over.  There will be accessment test which the school called it AMODES.  The first AMODES will be next week.  That is really soon.  Clayton doesn't seemed to be worried about it, but as the father - I am worried!

Last night, I gave him a Priesthood blessing (Father's blessing) to help him with his new school term.  Told him that he can tap on the power from Heavenly Father through prayers and the Holy Ghost will help him to remember all that he had studied and do well in his school work.  I hope he will remember what to do in time to come.

What to do during School Holiday?

9 March was the first day of Clayton's school term holiday.  Elaine was out of town and I was tasked to keep him occupied and go do something.  Although it was just 10 days long, but staying at home every day would be unproductive use of time and it can be really boring.  Since I had no ideas about what would be the best thing to do and what would interest him most, I told Clayton to come up with the plan. 

This was his plan:-
Friday - Jurong Bird Park
Monday - Sungai Buloh
Tuesday - Singapore Science Centre
Wednesday - Singapore Zoological Garden
Thursday - Library
Friday - Mint Toy Museum

I told him that this would just be a guide, but it would change according to the weather condition or I might have a better ideas of what to do.  So, the following are the actual activities that we had during the 10 days holiday.

Friday - Singapore Science Centre.  Had lunch at IMM.
Monday - Jurong Bird Park.  Had lunch at the park restaurant.
Tuesday - Sungai Buloh & Bottle Tree Park at Yishun.  Had lunch at home.
Wednesday - Changi Airport Terminal 3 &2.  Had lunch at the T3 Food Court.
Thursday -  Singapore Zoological Garden & Forest Adventure (2x). Had lunch at Compass Point food court.
Friday - Pasir Ris Park Cycling & Subway lunch at Compass Point.

All the activities turned out to be pretty fun and Clayton had a great time.

Some other possible things that we could have done were:
1.  Cycling at East Coast Park.
2.  Cycling at Pulau Ubin.
3.  Visit Sentosa island.

Superhero Costume Parade & Rap

On 5th March, Clayton's school organized an English Language S.T.A.G.E. program where all the P1 kids had to dress up in Superhero Costume and do a Rap about that particular hero.  The difficult part of this program was that the hero costume had to be made of recycle materials.  Prior to the date, all the parents were cracking their heads on the chat trading ideas and expressing how difficult it was to create such a costume and had to be worn for the whole day.

Knowing that there are 27 parents to compete in this costume making, I didn't want to waste too much time on it because some parents will always put more effort, time or money to make a "killer" costume.  Moreover, many of them only had 1 son to fuss over.  I have 3 kids and a very busy wife to take care of their daily needs.

So, I asked Clayton what character he wants to be?  He first thought of Spiderman, then he wanted to be Wolverine and finally he decided to be Batman.  We both agree on Batman and started work on it.  He will prepare his own Rap and I will do the costume.

This is what he Rapped:

He is Batman or Badman
Batman is strong at every time
Batman's car is Bat Mobile
It is fast at every way
You better be good because he is watching you!

This is what I did:

1.  I found a black color baseball cap and tape up all the logos with black tapes.  Then I used black cardboard to make 2 pieces of pyramid tip with attachable handle.  I used black tape to taped it into shape and attached it onto the cap with stapler.

2.  From last years Company Convention, Elaine had a black color cape from the event.  I turned it around to hide the event logo and it became Batman's cape.

3.  From my scuba diving gear, I have a yellow belt.  Using yellow paper, I made 2 Batman logo.  A big one and a small one that fits on the belt buckle.  I laminated the bigger one and attached to the chest with double sided tape as the main Batman's logo.

4.  Finally, to top it up, I made 2 Bat boomerangs with tissue box and 2 others with thicker construction cardboard.  Spray painted them all black and 2 of them having a red bat logo on them.

On the morning of the parade, I dressed Clayton up in his camouflage t-shirt and dark blue shorts, black socks and timberland shoes.  He looked almost like real.

He was actually one of the top 7 finalist.  By popular votes from the fellow classmates, he wasn't one of the top 3 winners.  He was rather upset when he came home.  We just told him that:- Some times it is more important to enjoy the process than to win.  Yes, it is always good to be the winner, but in this case when the effort involves parents of all the kids, it can be challenging.  Besides, it was by popular votes.  So, now he has to be friends with all his classmates to ensure higher votes next time.  :-)

Taught Sunday School Today on Christ's Atonement

The privilege of being the Sunday School President was to take the class whenever the assigned teacher was not available to teach. My lesson focus today was on 2 Nephi 9 a discourse by Jacob. I told Elaine about it and she gave me a very good idea on how to describe the role of Jesus Christ and the Atonement. This is how I shared it in the class...

Like all the super heroes in the action movies, the hero would do great sacrificial things to save the others. One example was Captain America when he was the scrawny guy who jumped on the grenade. All heroes would do that in movies. Jesus Christ was a hero who had done that for us. In this case, it was not just a grenade. It was a thermal nuclear bomb that He had jumped on using His body to cover  the explosion shielding us from the full impact.  All we experienced was just the aftershock of our sins if we accepted His Atonement. Otherwise, we would have to suffer the full impact of the explosion all by ourselves.

Clayton's 1st Award

Friday (24 Feb 2012) started off just like any other day.  Early in the morning, I sent Clayton to school.  On the way, we talked about things.  I can't exactly remember what the topic was, but I could have told him about assets and liability with some examples.

While walking towards the classroom, I saw Darion looking lost while walking towards our direction.  I stopped him to enquire what was he up to?  He told me that he was looking for his Mom (Shoei) and he began to cry.  I told him to come with me and I tried to give his Mom a call.  After a few tries, I had no success in getting through to Shoei.  I brought him back to the classroom and gave him assurance that I would send his Mom a SMS, and he was okay after that.

I went back to my own son to make sure that he is okay before I make my exit.  As usual, he wanted to me stay until 7:15am and I agreed.  While I stood by to ensure that everything would be fine before I leave, Clayton's co-form teacher, Mrs. Tang, came to him and seked him to follow her.  That aroused my curiousity.  I decided to hang around to see what was it about.  Earlier on, I noticed that there was a table lay out infront by the flag with rows of awards to be given out today during assembly.  Clayton was with Mrs. Tang all along while she went around to call different boys to follow her.  Finally, Clayton was told to sit behind the school scoccer team who were going to receive some kind of award.  Racing through my mind were all the possible awards that Clayton could be getting?  But I really had no idea of what could be the possible thing that he had done that deserves an award.

All the parents had already left by then.  I was the last one standing on the floor overlooking the parade square.  The scoccer team received the championship recognition award.  Clayton was asked to stand.  He was the 3rd in line.  The announcer decided to use Chinese to conduct the award ceremony.  With the combination of poor PA sound system and Chinese language, I only managed to catch a few words here and there that Clayton had been awarded something that he had done.  He classmates clapped the loudest when it was his turn.

Since I couldn't hear what was it all about, I decided to go off and wait for him to tell me later what it was all about.  It was already 7:30 am and I need to go home to pick up the 2 younger ones to send them to their pre-school.

When Clayton got back in the afternoon, he told me that it was an award for the Dragon Dance coloring contest that he did in school during the Chinese Lunar New Year celebration last month.

Later on he told us about how he had colored the details because he had a keen eye for details.  We congratualted him and recognized that he did have a talent in art and we plan to groom him in this area.

Ryan's first response when he knew about Clayton's award was to congratulate him for his good job.  Next, he too wanted an award and wished that he can win one instantly.  We told him that it is not possibile to get an instant award.  Then he asked Clayton to win one for him.  Again that doesn't make any sense.  We told Ryan that he had to wait till in gets into Primary one in 2 years time where he can join the competition himself.  In the mmean time, he will need to start practicing his writing and drawing skills.

As for Clayton, his head seemed to be 2 size larger after getting the award and started to have some rude behavior towards Mommy saying that he knew what he was doing.  With that, we have to knock some sense into him and get him down to size again.

A FATHER’S RULES FOR FINDING FULFILLMENT

I found this on yahoo some time ago and thought that the message has some really good stuff for everyone.  I am keeping it here so that I can look at it for future reference.

"Be courteous, be punctual, always say please and thank you, and be sure to hold your knife and fork properly. Others take their cue on how to treat you from your manners.

Be kind, considerate and compassionate when others are in trouble, even if you have problems of your own. Others will admire your selflessness and will help you in due course.

Show moral courage. Do what is right, even if that makes you unpopular. I always thought it important to be able to look at myself in the shaving mirror every morning and not feel guilt or remorse. I depart this world with a pretty clear conscience.

Show humility. Stand your ground but pause to reflect on what the other side are saying, and back off when you know you are wrong. Never worry about losing face. That only happens when you are pig-headed.

Learn from your mistakes. You will make plenty so use them as a learning tool. If you keep making the same mistake or run into a problem, you’re doing something wrong.

Avoid disparaging someone to a third party; it is only you who will look bad. If you have a problem with someone, tell them face to face.

Hold fire! If someone crosses you, don’t react immediately. Once you say something it can never be taken back, and most people deserve a second chance.

Have fun. If this involves taking risks, so be it. If you get caught, hold your hands up.

Give to charity and help those who are less fortunate than yourselves: it’s easy and so rewarding.

Always look on the upside! The glass is half full, never half empty. Every adversity has a silver lining if you seek it out.

Make it your instinct always to say ‘yes’. Look for reasons to do something, not reasons to say no. Your friends will cherish you for that.

Be canny: you will get more of what you want if you can give someone more of what they desire. Compromise can be king.

Always accept a party invitation. You may not want to go, but they want you there. Show them courtesy and respect.

Never ever let a friend down. I would bury bodies for my friends, if they asked me to .?.?. which is why I have chosen them carefully.

Always tip for good service. It shows respect. But never reward poor service. Poor service is insulting.

Always treat those you meet as your social equal, whether they are above or below your station in life. For those above you, show due deference, but don’t be a sycophant.

Always respect age, as age equals wisdom.

Be prepared to put the interests of your sibling first.

Be proud of who you are and where you come from, but open your mind to other cultures and languages. When you begin to travel (as I hope you will), you’ll learn that your place in the world is both vital and insignificant. Don’t get too big for your breeches.

Be ambitious, but not nakedly so. Be prepared to back your assertions with craftsmanship and hard work.

Live every day to its full: do something that makes you smile or laugh, and avoid procrastination.

Give of your best at school. Some teachers forget that pupils need incentives. So if your teacher doesn’t give you one, devise your own.

Always pay the most you can afford. Never skimp on hotels, clothing, shoes, make-up or jewellery. But always look for a deal. You get what you pay for.

Never give up! My two little soldiers have no dad, but you are brave, big-hearted, fit and strong. You are also loved by an immensely kind and supportive team of family and friends. You make your own good fortune, my children, so battle on.

Never feel sorry for yourself, or at least don’t do it for long. Crying doesn’t make things better.

Look after your body and it will look after you.

Learn a language, or at least try. Never engage a person abroad in conversation without first greeting them in their own language; by all means ask if they speak English!

And finally, cherish your mother, and take very good care of her.

I love you both with all my heart.

Daddy x"

Ref:  http://sg.yahoo.matchmove.com/news/article/a-fathers-message-from-beyond-the-grave

Is there a best way to discipline your child?

I found this in Yahoo and it is a very useful piece of article to keep us reminded on how to discipline our kids.

No two children are alike. That is why parents sometimes adjust the way they discipline their kids based on what works for each child.

“Unfortunately, there is no one recipe,” says the mother of a 5-year-old son and a 3-year-old daughter. “My son is so easy to discipline. I just have to talk to him about the incident and its consequences. [My daughter], on the other hand, is such a whiner! It’s so hard to discipline her. Up to now, I still don’t know how to best deal with her!”

It is possible, too, that you and your spouse will not agree on what tactic to use. The key is to understand what it is you want your children to learn and then agree on the best way both of you can follow through. Read up on different methods to see what works for you. Then, once you have decided, always, always be consistent.

Here’s how other parents (whose names have been changed to protect their privacy) discipline their kids.

1. Positive reinforcement and withdrawal of privileges

Doreen used to put her 7-year-old daughter and 10-year-old son on timeouts, but now she says they’re too old for this. So what she does is “heap praises for jobs well done.” In addition, “I try to show how their hard work has paid off when they really accomplish something noteworthy.”

When that doesn’t work and reminders are ignored, she and her husband resort to withholding privileges like TV and playtime.

2. Explanations and disappointment

Paulina, 9, responds well to a good talk and a disappointed scowl, says her dad Michael. “For us, the best and most effective way is telling her the truth,” he says. “We just explain things why Paulina can and cannot do some things.”

He also sets the example by apologizing to her when he gets mad and letting her know why. “In that way, I hope that in the future, she will not be afraid to tell us what she did. At the same time, it will help her develop critical thinking about what is right and wrong.”

It helps that Michael doesn’t lose his temper easily. “So so she knows that when I do get mad, what she’s doing is wrong.”

3. Spanking

While corporal punishment is controversial, Veronica and her husband ascribe to it. “[We] believe that till a certain age, like say, 6 or 7, a child needs to feel a bit of punishment. Never hard and always just on the buttocks with the hands, not a rod/stick/belt. Not on the other parts of the body too like the arms, legs, and face—just the bottom. That way, we feel the stinging sensation too and get hurt by the gesture as much as our children.”

She believes that very young children are really unable to understand reprimands. A little spanking—and the threat of it—makes enforcing disciple a lot easier, Veronica says. “All we have to do to make our kids follow us is ask, ‘You want “palo”?’ and they get it right away. They know they have to behave and follow their parents, otherwise, they will get a smack on the butt.”

4. Timeout

For Therese, mom to three boys, having her extremely active 4-year-old stand on the corner gets results. “[It’s] really difficult for him,” she explains. “If he misbehaves more, he stands on a stool in a corner.”

5. All for one, one for all

Therese has also implemented a rule that if one of the boys gets into trouble, everybody else will. “When the 8-year-old misbehaves, we turn around and head home instead of going on our planned TimeZone trip,” she says. “They now remind each other to behave or as they say, ‘Quit it before mommy finds out or hears us fighting!’"

In the same manner, all three boys get rewarded when one does well. “My eldest did very well at school, so everyone got a prize,” she recalls. “My second son kept thanking his older brother for studying well. It was nice hearing them talk like that.”

6. Getting grounded

Sheila’s 11-year-old daughter gets grounded when she misbehaves. “She has always, always, always loved to push me to the limit, hence, she gets grounded a lot! Because she apologizes instantly, I still ground her. Sometimes, I believe her apology is sincere, then I let her off easy, but when I know it’s because she wants something, she gets a longer punishment.”

Ref:  http://sg.news.yahoo.com/is-there-a-best-way-to-discipline-your-child-.html

Kick Starting

I have been wanting to start this blog since a long time ago, but perfectionism and procrastination got the better of me.  I wanted to make this a perfect blog to benefit all fathers out there.  Regardless you are a Penguin Daddy or not, I intend to share with you all the little tricks I used for my family to keep them in good healthy condition.

As I've mentioned that I am a perfectionist, what I am doing now is very imperfect.  I am just going to write about everything that comes to my mind and along the way I will do touch-up to make this blog more perfect.

As of now, I have 3 kids, age 6+, 4+ and 2+.  They are in Primary 1, Kindergarten 1 and Nursary 1 respectively.  The two older ones are boys and the youngest one is a girl.  Over the years I have developed many BKM (Best Know Methods) and SOP (Standard Operating Procedures) just to survive.  I am very sure that all fathers and mothers will be interested to find out.  Some times my method may not be the best, so please do feel free to share your opinions as well.

So, I hope whoever is interested to find out more about fathering, please stay tune.